From Breakdown to 5K (Part 2)

To accurately share my story, I need to turn back about 10 years.  I remember feeling that my emotions were all over the place.  As women, we tend to blame many things on hormones and the dreaded word "menopause."  Doctors have graciously identified three important seasons in a woman's life - "perimenopause", "menopause" and "post menopause".  I have labeled them as follows: hot, hotter and hottest.  Not only do we experience internal temperature changes but a roller coaster of emotions come with each season.  I truly feel that Cedar Point should call their next ride the "Menocoaster".  Only women can ride and pity the fool that tries to cut in line.

I have a vivid memory of sitting around the kitchen table frustrated by a minor incident that caused a voice inside me to say "flee".  I am not sure if this was the Holy Spirit or my  worn out guardian angel but the advice was good and timely.  I was being told to "leave the room before you say something you can't take back."  I was obedient, sent myself to my room and flopped myself down on my bed in tears.  Another thought entered by mind.  Again...I am not sure where it came from but this time it was a name. The name of a lovely woman that I knew from church.  It was strange that her name popped into my head, but my inner whisper had been on point so I didn't argue.  I picked up the phone and dialed the woman's number.  "This is Joy Trachsel from church" I said, "I am not sure why but your name came to mind and I feel like I was supposed to call you."  She asked what was going on and the floodgates opened.  I shared about my emotions, anxiety and occasional depression.  This one-sided conversation lasted for at least 10 minutes as this godly woman listened.  When I finished pouring out my heart and emptying my tears, she said two words that changed everything... "me too".  She said,  "I know why God had you call me...I have been there."  She shared her story, prayed with me and closed our conversation with some very comforting words..."I will walk this journey with you."  Her words were not empty promises, but began a commitment that she has never failed to honor. She shared deep spiritual words and some very practical advice that I followed to a "tee". 

I can't express how great it felt to know that I was not alone.  How about you?  What are you choosing not to  share because you are afraid of what others will say, think or do?

Let me encourage you with a phrase that I share often when I speak:

"Yesterday's pain is tomorrow's ministry"

The years that followed were more manageable and calmer.  They weren't without ups and downs but nothing like November of 2016  (to be continued)

From Breakdown to 5K (Part 1)

From Breakdown to 5K (Part 1)

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is found in 1 Samuel.   The story involves a battle that was won and a monument built as a reminder.  I don’t know about you but I often need reminders of God’s faithfulness. I tend to forget the many times God brought me through dark times and places.  I forget how He is true to His Word when He says He will never forsake us.  Let me take a moment and shout from the “proverbial” mountain top.  THIS IS TRUE.

Details will follow at another time, but one of the darkest times of my life began on November 3, 2016 and lasted longer than I approved.  It is almost difficult to admit and type these words, but on that date, I began suffering what I know to be a mental breakdown.  I went to bed at noon on November 3^rd and didn’t move for 30 hours.  When I finally did arise, it was only for a short time. Several weeks staying in bed followed and I saw no end to the pain and depression.   My only mental view was a dark hole where happiness seemed non-existent. The emotional pain was like nothing I have experienced and my cries out to God seemed to be unheard.  I plan to share details about this at another time, but today I am about looking ahead and not back.

Today is about me sharing how I plan to place my “Ebenezer Stone” and declaring the goodness of God. 

Let me explain.

I often look back at that time and can’t believe how difficult it was.  It took some time before I even wanted to talk about it.  That changed when I began to share pieces of my story with others and they began to see hope for their mental struggle.   I knew that God was nudging me to share more and to be vulnerable and authentic.  Just a tip…God always gets His way…and it is always good.

I wanted to celebrate this victory over darkness in a way that would only bring Him glory.  So here is what I will be doing on November 12^th (Lord and body willing)

17th Annual 5k Gallop for Children 

So why a race?  I have asked myself that very question since August.  The race was originally going to be a time for us to do something fun as a family.  In the middle of my training, God reminded me of the importance of the date.  One year ago, from the day of the race, I was not moving at all, let alone running. My shades were drawn and my only view was the dark hole and my bedroom ceiling. 

My view on the 12^th will be polar opposite which is what I desire from now on.  To be out of bed a year later is an accomplishment but I wanted it to be more than my original life.  I wanted it to be more and different.  The race is exactly what I want as a representation of where He has me now.  I want to always be stretching myself and never being satisfied with whom I was but who He wants me to be.  I want to always finish the race that He has before me.

So…Lord willing I will finish the 5K but either way…I will celebrate His goodness.

I ask for your prayers as I hopefully bring Him glory and inspire others struggling with mental illness.