YESTERDAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS!

Title says it all...it was one of those days.

It was one of those days that almost made me quit my job at the shelter. There wasn't anything wrong with my boss...I adore her. It wasn't anything with a co-worker...they are wonderful. It wasn't anything about the amount of work that I have...it is manageable. It was about a client...in tears. I have often shared how there have been times in my life that I struggled with broken people. I have shared how it is sometimes hard for me to be around people who are hurting and the helpless feeling I get. My desire to help them is larger than my ability. At times...it was just easier to cover it up and walk away.

I was about to leave the building when I ran into a client...in the hallway...in tears. One voice inside me said smile and keep walking...remember...you don't do well in these situations. The other voice said...stop...take time to hear her hurts and let ME lead you. I listened to the second voice and sat down with this precious mother of three teenage boys. A mom who is desperately seeking a blessing, a miracle...just a break. She shared her story with me and just paused...waiting for my response. SILENCE!!!!What do I say? I can't offer her a home...I can't offer her money...I am not sure how to offer her hope. All that I said was this "He brought you this far...He is not going to let you down!" (Hmmm....think I will cross stich that on a pillow and give as Christmas gifts). She began to cry and uttered these words..."You're right...I forgot about what He has done for me!" Oh dear sister...haven't we all. She began to cry again...tears of joy, hope and peace. I then gave her the good news that she had been adopted for Thanksgiving...more tears came...then I told her she had been adopted for Christmas...more tears...at this point I almost needed to grab a mop.

I am glad that the Lord spoke and directed my path. He wasn't telling me to QUIT my job...just QUIT doubting where He has placed me.

So today is a new day. I hope today...a mop is needed!

STILL ON MY HEART

I can't believe how long it has been since I last blogged. I had almost forgotten my sign-in. It's not because I forgot...it's not because I have been busy...it's because I wasn't sure how to put into words what has been happening.

Here goes...

I WANT TO BE PART OF SOMETHING THAT IS BIGGER THAN ME!

That only means one thing...I want to be part of something that only God can initiate, orchestrate and create!

I don't serve a God of mediocrity!

Many of you who read this blog know that a large part of my life now is spent with women and children who are homeless. I have another new position at the shelter which I love. I am now able to combine my passion for them and my desire to speak together. I now go into the community and organizations and advocate for the needs of the shelter and our clients. In other words...I try to get companies and individuals to invest their time, talents and treasures into ACCESS. LOVE IT...LOVE IT...LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

The other day I was invited to speak to a fifth grade class in Akron. After I spoke they had a very important job...they had to find a solution to homelessness. Guess what? They did! It did not take long for these precious children to realize what needed to be done. Their solution...if everyone invested into the lives of the homeless...problem solved. Sounds hard and easy at the same time. You see each person comes to us with a different need. Each one is homeless for a different reason. But...if each person had someone who would walk alongside them...loved them...lead them...a difference could be made. If one person invested in one other...what a difference!

Yesterday I went to the shelter to work with a few groups that had come to paint. When I arrived I had a chance to hang out with one of the clients. A precious mom who had done everything right in life. She was a good mom, had a job, had a car, had a home...get the picture. She lost her job, lost her home, lived in her car with three teenagers...life began to spiral out of control. We sat on the floor outside my office and cried together. She feels HOPELESS...and honestly...I did too. What to do? I encouraged her and tried to find something to say that would give her hope. I can't promise her a home, I can't promise her a better life...all that I can offer her is HOPE!

I am reminded each day that women are hurting and need ___________! I left it blank since every need is different. But I do know one thing for sure.

They need JESUS!
They need us!
They need us to be JESUS to them!

Join me!

THE POWER OF WORDS

I was reminded today of the power of words. Here is my story.

You are probably tired of me talking about how much I love what I do and working at ACCESS! I love the authenticity of our clients and the community that is formed. We are a family and we look out for the best interests of each other. One of the hardest parts of my day is when I walk to my car and drive away. I almost feel guilty that in a few minutes I will be pulling into the driveway of my home. I will be able to go upstairs and put on clean comfy clothes, sit down for a meal and relax with a family that loves me. As I pull out of ACCESS I am usually given many waves good-bye from clients wishin me a good evening. My prayer is that soon they will also have the security of their own place to live and the perks that come with that. My heart is especially heavy for the teens. They do not want to be in a homeless shelter. They want to experience what other teens are experiencing...hanging with friends, going to the mall, hanging out in their own bedroom, etc.

The other day it was different...

As I was unlocking my car to leave, one of the teens followed me out to my car. We were talking about her staring a new school soon and how it is nice to have a "new beginning". Of course I had to give her my "mom" lecture about picking the right friends and staying away from boys. I reminded her of how special she was and she looked me in the eyes and said "I feel special!" WOW

Those words penetrated my heart with a force that I cannot explain. In the midst of crisis, in the midst of insecurty, in the midst of the unknown, this young teenager girl felt special!

YEP! Looks like ACCESS is accomplishing its mission. The power of those three little words.

Words can lift us up and they can tear us down. Words can hurt and words can heal.

Words...have power!

LESSONS FROM THE HOMELESS

I wish I were more committed to blogging each day. Every day I hear a story or experience something at ACCESS that teaches me something. Here are a few:

We recently had a group of student leaders from University of Akron come to ACCESS and put on a carnival. The kids loved the games, food and yes...the gum. A few of our elementary age boys thought it would be fun to stick as much gum as they could in their mouths, chew the gum and then...ugh..swallow the gum. One of the U of A students had a brilliant idea. He had one of the boys sit with him and showed him how to properly chew gum. They unwrapped the gum...placed it in their mouths...chewed...and did not swallow. The cool thing was words were never spoken. He just modeled the behavior. He demonstrated what I believe was a powerful lesson to us all. Sometimes words go unheard and actions speak louder. He also demonstrated the importance of giving someone your undivided attention and what a difference it can make in their lives.

Last night we had another amazing group from Kent State come to ACCESS and fix dinner. I noticed that one student really engaged with the clients. After I gave them a tour he pulled me aside and said thank you! Not thank you for allowing them to come...but thank you for the work at ACCESS. He shared with me that when he was a younger teen his family was homeless. He shared with me how hard it was to be a homeless teen and thanked us for making ACCESS a place where teens can feel loved and not alone.

There are more stories....

My Memorial Day Tribute With A Twist

If you know what the following means...I honor you on this memorial day weekend.

TDY, PCS, BDU, Sponsor's ID,

If you know what it means to live in a different place every one to three years...this is for you.

If you know what it means to maintain a houssehold while your spouse is thousands of miles across the world...this is for you.

If you know what it feels like to be away from family and friends on holidays, birthdays and weddings...this is for you.

If you know what it means to be part of a community with bonds stronger than some families...this is for you.

If you are a military wife...this is for you!

When we watch the news and see units and soldiers being deployed overseas, lets not forget the strong men and women who are being left behind. Men and women who now become single parents for as long as a year or more. Men and women who have to be mom and dad, who have to juggle extreme responsibilites and who have to be ready to answer the question "When is mom or dad coming home."

Eventually this season ends and life returns to normal except for the wives who receive the visit that no one wants or expects. The visit that their soldier is not returning home. I was visiting with my aunt recently and she shared with me the day that she received that visit. The day that a uniformed officer knocked on her door and gave her news that her soldier had been wounded and was coming home. She was one of the lucky ones who had to make arrangements for medical care and not a funeral.

I had the honor of recently spending time with a group of military wives in Italy. It didn't take long for me to realize that I was in the precense of some amazing women. Strong women who loved their husbands and embraced their role of military wife with passion and zeal. They truly taught me more that weekend then they will ever know. They showed me how important it was to surround yourself with women who will love you, support you and be there whenever you need them the most. Their community was stronger then some families. Their support for one another is what I believe God has commanded of us all.

So on this memorial day weekend...I honor all of those who are serving and who have served...but I also want to honor the wives of those sailors and soldiers.

I truly believe when someone joins the military...the whole family is serving. So the next time you see a military person...thank them and their family.

THE GREAT COVER UP #3

I remember growing up in the neighborhood and how there was always a family that everyone felt sorry for. The mom was mentally unstable and it seemed that the children had to take care of themselves. They never played with the other neighborhood kids and were always seen as "different." One might even say that they were loners and primarily kept to themselves. What a terrible thing it must have been for them to be raised under these conditions. Possibly feeling neglected and isolated. As the children became teens and young adults it seemed that they found acceptance in diverse groups and made choices that were reckless and dangerous.

Fast forward 25 years....

After making numerous visits to my dad's bedside this week, my mom realizes that one of the children from this family is in the room five doors down from my dad. The son, lying in ICU, suffering from AIDS. Something inside of me felt like we should go in and visit with him. An inner struggle began to take place. Why should I go I asked myself? He won't rememeber us...we could just keep walking by like we have been doing so far. Possibly the embarassment of not reaching out to him in all of our years growing up sunk in. How does one walk into his room and suddenly care about him? God was now prompting me again to face the brokenness in someone. God was leading me to put aside my fear, pride, shame...and just go.

As we walked towards his room I was already rehearsing what we would say. We would be nice and re-introduce ourselves to him and before we left...offer to pray. As we entered his room...he smiled...and said that he remembered us. After a few moments of small talk I asked if we could pray for him. He immediately said yes. My next thought is one that I am very ashamed of. I have heard many talks on AIDS and I am very familiar with how it is contracted and shared. I know that it is not spread through hand to hand contact...but in my selfish mind I thought to myself...do not touch me. You see...I have been stretched by God to "look" upon brokenness...but to touch it...no...not yet not now. Before I could bow my head and close my eyes...I felt a grip on my hand. He grabbed mine without even asking...it seemed to be natural to him...and now...it felt natural to me. I prayed for him and held hands with him. After we prayed we had a very brief conversation about Jesus and he shared with us about his faith in Christ.

I left the room wondering if he often feels lonely because of our ignorance to his disease. I doubt it! It seems that even though he is probably often judged by his past mistakes and choices...he really ministered to us. We walked into his room expecting to do him a favor by our visit and our prayers...but he actually did us a favor. He reached out to us...he showed us that God continues to use us in spite of our brokenness, our ignorance and our pride. He helped to break down a barrier that is often there between AIDS patients and us. We often give to their cause and will even wear a badge or walk in a walk-a-thon...but when do we ever stop and just touch them. Let them know that the only difference between us and them...is possibly a bad decision. We all have brokenness in our lives!

THE GREAT COVER UP PART 2

God continues to do a work within me as He softens my heart for brokenness. He continues to open my eyes a little wider and to not be afraid. Conviction continues in this area as He used a sermon yesterday to remind me of sin. In James it says that if we know what we are to do and yet we don't do it...it is sin. Ouch. In other words...when God nudges us to move, reach out, give, serve and we say no...it is sin.

I want to share with you two stories I have heard regarding this very thing:

STORY 1- A lady is sitting in church and according to the clock there is still about fifteen minutes left. God nudged her to leave at that time. In obedience she leaves and as she enters the foyer she is alone...except...for a woman who is stuggling to open the bathroom door. This woman suffers with MS and walks with the aid of a walker. She then knew why God led her to leave the service...to help this lady. In further obedience, she waits inside the bathroom so she can open the door for the lady as she leaves. How simple was that...listen...leave...open...open again...obedience.

He calls some to leave home for the mission field in far away lands...He calls some to leave their seat and just open a door.

STORY 2 - My friend Sandi was engaged in a conversation with a bagger at a grocery store. Through this conversation she realized he is struggling with selling a home and needs help decluttering and cleaning. God nudged Sandi...she obeyed and offered to help this family clean and declutter. WOW! He calls some to go into the inner city and help drug addicts and others clean up their lives. He calls some to help clean a house.

He calls all of us to something...what is your story? Send it to me and I'll post it on the blog.

THE GREAT COVER-UP PART 1

Conviction can come in a suttle way or a huge slap in the face. Lately I feel like conviction has come to me like a 2x4 to the head.

Here is what I am feeling right now. My name is Joy Trachsel and I have a fear of brokenness. (Hello Joy) Let me explain.

I think of myself as a somewhat compassionate person...but who have I been fooling. Yes...I will listen to your story...shake my head as I am saddened by your words and then offer you a lazy..."I am sorry to hear that...but I'll pray for you." I realize that sometimes brokenness in others scares me. I think it is because I am afraid that one...I can't help you...two...you may want me to help you and I am either too busy...too afraid or not confident in my abilities. Or three...I just don't want to have to take time to get involved in something that may stretch me, sadden me or make me realize the hurts in others. Sometimes it is much easier for me to donate to a cause then to be part of the cause. I truly believe this is why God has me at ACCESS.

I have heard stories from clients that make you want to shout out to God WHY? Sometimes I hear their stories and I want to go to my office...shut the door and escape. No...this can't be my response. I know that I can't save any of them. I know that only He has the power to change their lives...but I know one thing. (remember that 2x4 I mentioned) He has called each of us to be His hands, feet and voice.

What am I trying to say....I..We...need to uncover the brokeness in our world, our city, and yes...ourselves.

Funding is needed for many causes...but I do believe that we can do more. I believe we can put aside our to do lists...and make time for the broken people of our lives.

I am reminded that scripture tells us to go to Judea, Samaria and Jerusaleum. Where is your Judea?

Here is my challenge to myself. Someone has come into my life that I know struggles...this person loves a yellow purse that I carry. We joke about my purse all the time. Problem....I love my purse as well. I feel like I need to do something as small as give her my purse. Why do I struggle with this? Pride...materialism...the list goes on.

Okay...this week...Purse needs to be gone.

I'll let you know how the purse saga goes. In the end...I know that God always wins

Lessons from a Five Year Old

The Bible tell us that the older shall teach the young...but I believe it is also true in the reverse.

I have written and yelled from the mountain tops how much I love my new job at ACCESS. I look forward to going to the shelter each day to truly see what God has in store. He never fails to amaze me at His goodness and His provision.

The other day I was busy completing an unordinary amount of paperwork when a young five year tugged on my leg and said "would you play with me." I had a choice. I could continue in the busyness of my day or stop and play with a child who spends her days in a shelter. I chose the latter and grabbed her little pudgy hand and skipped off to play.

When we entered the playroom I suggested that we do a puzzle. How hard could that be? I mean I could quickly do the puzzle, satisfy her want to play and quickly return to work. I thought I was really smart when I chose a new one assuring that all the pieces would be there and would speed up our play time.

We began the process and soon fifteen minutes had passed and our Barney puzzle was still very much incomplete. I looked at my darling little friend and suggested that we quit and play again later. What happened next left me speechless and in tears. This precious child looked me square in the eye and said "never quit Miss Joy...never quit." A child who at this time in her life is homeless and living in a shelter is telling me not to quit. She is telling a grown woman, who knows where she will be sleeping tonight, knows what she will be eating tonight...to never quit.

We began working again on our puzzle and fifteen minutes later we were finished.

We celebrated our victory with high fives and loud cheers. What a lesson I learned that day from a pre-schooler?

QUICK UPDATES

WOW!!!God has exceeded what I could have ever imagined in such huge ways. I find myself going to this blog and beginning to write...and then stopping. It is almost hard to find words to describe His goodness and faithfulness this year.

Here is a quick update and details will follow soon!

- January 2010 I found myself questioning if I was to continue speaking. God affirmed this calling my sending me to ITALY to speak to some of the strongest women I have ever met. (details tomorrow)

- I was praying for a flexible part time job so I could stop subbing. God blew me away. I am now working from home and coordinating service projects and social events for this company Foresters. I even had a chance to spend 4 days in Toronto training.

- God continued to show me His faithfulness by opening up doors for me to speak here and 4 other places this year.

- Our son asked us if he could go to school here next year...so I prayed for another part time job that would be rewarding, flexible and provide enough money for us to pay tuition. Today...I start working here.

GOD IS SO GOOD!!!! I will post pics soon and details...I now need to shower and pick out my first day of work outfit.


Did I tell you how good GOD is!

REAL VERSUS FAKE

In a few hours I will be boarding a plane for Italy. Still humbled by this opportunity. So thankful for the great phone calls I have received this morning from family and friends wishing me well and praying with me. I am so BLESSED...more than I truly deserve. Thankful for a mother-in-law that came to help take care of the family while I am away. Thankful for a mom that gave me some "souvenir money" for my trip. I know that the love that I have from my family, friends and Lord is REAL...not fake. They all love me in spite of my faults.

I was reminded this week of what something real looks like and what the fake looks like as well. Many of you know how this Italy opportunity came about. If not...read this post. This week I also received another invitation to speak in Europe. This time it was in England. A very professional looking email was sent to me with details of the conference. The honorarium was amazing and everything looked exciting. Something inside me began to be pessimistic. It seemed too good to be true...but I also remember when the Italy invitation seemed too good as well. I convinced myself that I serve a big God and why should I doubt that He could send me to another exciting place. It didn't take long for me to have solid evidence that this was a SCAM. With the help of some friends and a posting by another speaker it was confirmed that this was someone's greedy attempt to make money. At first I was angry...then sad and then it just became a joke. Everything looked genuine and authentic. Oh...what a reminder that was to me.

We can be fooled so easily by things that look good, genuine and authentic but end up being bad, fake and pretentious.

My prayer for my trip is that I experience my great God in an amazing way. That God helps me to be authentic and genuine as I spend time with the women in Italy.

I know one thing that is always real and never fake. God's love for me. I am excited to share with the women how this amazing God pursues us and loves us with an unconditional love.

Please pray for me as I leave and who knows...maybe someday I will speak in England.

"Here I am Lord...send me!" (Isaiah 6:8)

THE DANGERS OF VALENTINE'S DAY

In two days couples will be expressing their love for each other with flowers, candy and other material ways. Yes...it's almost valentine's day. I remember when we would celebrate this holiday in elementary school. We would decorate our boxes and address our scooby do or batman valentines. We would walk around the room despositing our sentiments in each other's boxes. Truth be known...it probably meant more to us girls then the boys. Our hearts melted as we would open a valentine from a boy that we liked. We took what the card said at face value. Our grade school hearts believed that he really did love us and we were his valentine.

Fast forward....

It's three days before Valentine's day at the high school. Roses are sold in order for admirer's to express their "love" to another student. Classes are interrupted as roses are delivered. Hearts flutter as the rose is given to them...someone thinks I am special goes through their mind.

But...what about the other girls?

What about the girls who leave school without a rose? Thoughts enter their mind like "why doesn't someone love me enough to send a rose" "what is wrong with me?" "I must be too fat...too ugly...not good enough for a rose." Insecurities takeover and they begin to convince themselves that the above is true. They begin to seek attention elsewhere...dangerous places and thoughts that are not pleasing to God."

How do we combat this? How do we tell them that they are special. That they were bought with a high price. That they have a Father who loves them with an everlasting love.

A rose...is just a rose! God...is like no other. Cling to Him young ladies...let Him write your love story.

BEING AUTHENTIC!

I am part of an amazing Bible study. I look forward to Wednesday evenings all week. Studying the Bible with women has to be one of my most favorite things to do. Three special girls joined our group this winter and they are like a "breath of fresh air." Let me explain. We have been together for several years and know each other very well. We have all been Christians for many years and have probably forgotten what it feels like to not know the Lord. It is always so exciting to hear the young girls ask such pure and basic questions about Jesus. Then to see their excitement and sometimes emotional response reminds me of meeting "my first love...Jesus."

Last week we found ourselves in a discussion and one of them commented that they were not "church ladies" like us. This was not a slam against us...it was her humble way of saying "you know such much more than we do and your lives are not like mine." My heart began to feel heavy as I realized what she was saying. She saw us "older" women as better than her. She saw us as being "above" her. Afterwards we chatted and made a date for coffee.

That was the best cup of coffee that I had ever had. It wasn't really the coffee...it was the moment. Over coffee (and pie) I shared with them my past. I shared with them mistakes that I had made. I shared with them my struggles as a wife and mother. I hopefully shared my "authentic" self. By the end of the night one of the girls said "looking at you I would have never realized you went through all of that."

How do we be authentic women everyday? It is so easy to pretend that we always have it all together. If you walked in my home right now you might think that it is organized...but you are only seeing the surface. You're not seeing what is crammed in closets, what it shoved under the bed and what is hiding in the basement.

I am a work in progress...and a woman who needs to clean her basement.

YOU CAN'T OUT GIVE, OUT SERVE OR OUR DREAM GOD!

Three weeks from today I will be in Italy! I still can't believe it. I am so excited and a little nervous. I hope Italian airports have English signs? But I have nothing to fear...because I know God's hands are in this.

Several months ago I looked at my speaking calendar for 2010 and it was blank. I couldn't understand why God would give me this desire to speak and not the opportunities. I wasn't just sitting around waiting either. I was making contacts, I was making connections and I was doing anything I could to "expand my territory."

I had really come to a realization that maybe God had something else He wanted me to do. Maybe this was a season of preparation, maybe a season of writing...I did not know.

I cried out to God one day as I drove around. I cried out asking that He make it clear what He wanted from me. I also prayed a selfish prayer..."God...please let me speak again!" God began to ask me why I wanted to speak. Was it for me or Him? ouch! I spent time searching my motives and truly seeking Him. I asked God again..."Please let me speak again!" I will go anywhere God...I will speak for two people...just send me!

December 19th I received an email to speak. December 19th I received a phone call asking me to speak. One was 30 minutes from my home...one was Italy! Italy? Did I read the correct. I asked for something small and close...He gave me Italy. Never in my wildest dreams would I have even thought to ask God to send me to ITALY!

I realized that day three things....God's dreams for me are bigger than mine. I realized that there is nothing I can do to repay the debt that He paid for me. I realized that I will never be able to impact and serve others the way He did.

I am so thankful that I serve a God that I can never out ive, out serve or out dream!

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Cross or the Crowd

I am a work in progress. Theologians call it sanctification...I call it molding, shaping, pruning...and it will continue until I am with Jesus. I feel lately that God has been really asking me to carefully examine how I spend my time. This process has even effected my blogging and facebook time. My time looking and reading hasn't decreased...but my writing has. Everytime I go to post something on facebook, I hear a little voice say is that necessary. My friend Leigh posted something about this and I think she truly "hit the nail on the head." Sometimes when I am with people that I communicate with on facebook, it seems we have nothing new to discuss. It has already been talked about on the internet. I will go to blog and I begin typing, then I find myself deleting what I wrote.

The other day I was at a Christian school and I saw a sign that said "Follow the cross or the crowd." I just stopped and stared. Four big words..."cross or the crowd." When I am tempting to gossip...cross or crowd? When I am not patient or loving...cross or crowd? When I won't stand up for my beliefs...cross or crowd?

When I neglect God for other things...cross or crowd? How about you? What are you following? Cross or crowd?

WHERE IS CAMILLA?

I love the fact that I am beginning to truly recognize God's voice. I love it when He speaks to me. I love it when He makes His desires clear.

Today as Wally and I were driving to church, we were talking about the Haiti situation. The helpless feeling we have of not being able to physically go and help. I know we can give money...but sometimes you just want to be there. To hug a neck, to pray with a parent, to love on an orphan.

My daughter Ashley has truly opened our eyes to the plight of orphans and what the scriptures call us to do. She truly desires to adopt an international orphan someday. I know that in years to come, my grandchildren will be from different countries. They will have different skin colors, but one God.

I suggested to Wally, in jest, that we should look into adopting a child from Haiti. Expecting the look that I normally get when I bring up what could be an outrageous idea...it wasn't there. Hmmm...is God working here?

Then...a name suddenly popped in my head...Camilla. Really...no joke!

I thought...who is Camilla? Is she someone who is suffering in Haiti? Will she be a future compassion child that we sponsor. Is she someone who is looking for a loved one lost in the earthquake? Could she someday be part of our family?

I don't know who she is...all that I know is that her name is engraved on my heart.

Someday...I hope He speaks to me again. Someday...I hope He introduces me to Camilla!

ARE YOU WAITING?

Just wanted to share with you a quote that my daughter shared at a Ladies Event Last week:

"Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what he has promised. Through the wait, he is changing me. By means of the wait he's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait he's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in his redemptive hands."