My Memorial Day Tribute With A Twist

If you know what the following means...I honor you on this memorial day weekend.

TDY, PCS, BDU, Sponsor's ID,

If you know what it means to live in a different place every one to three years...this is for you.

If you know what it means to maintain a houssehold while your spouse is thousands of miles across the world...this is for you.

If you know what it feels like to be away from family and friends on holidays, birthdays and weddings...this is for you.

If you know what it means to be part of a community with bonds stronger than some families...this is for you.

If you are a military wife...this is for you!

When we watch the news and see units and soldiers being deployed overseas, lets not forget the strong men and women who are being left behind. Men and women who now become single parents for as long as a year or more. Men and women who have to be mom and dad, who have to juggle extreme responsibilites and who have to be ready to answer the question "When is mom or dad coming home."

Eventually this season ends and life returns to normal except for the wives who receive the visit that no one wants or expects. The visit that their soldier is not returning home. I was visiting with my aunt recently and she shared with me the day that she received that visit. The day that a uniformed officer knocked on her door and gave her news that her soldier had been wounded and was coming home. She was one of the lucky ones who had to make arrangements for medical care and not a funeral.

I had the honor of recently spending time with a group of military wives in Italy. It didn't take long for me to realize that I was in the precense of some amazing women. Strong women who loved their husbands and embraced their role of military wife with passion and zeal. They truly taught me more that weekend then they will ever know. They showed me how important it was to surround yourself with women who will love you, support you and be there whenever you need them the most. Their community was stronger then some families. Their support for one another is what I believe God has commanded of us all.

So on this memorial day weekend...I honor all of those who are serving and who have served...but I also want to honor the wives of those sailors and soldiers.

I truly believe when someone joins the military...the whole family is serving. So the next time you see a military person...thank them and their family.

THE GREAT COVER UP #3

I remember growing up in the neighborhood and how there was always a family that everyone felt sorry for. The mom was mentally unstable and it seemed that the children had to take care of themselves. They never played with the other neighborhood kids and were always seen as "different." One might even say that they were loners and primarily kept to themselves. What a terrible thing it must have been for them to be raised under these conditions. Possibly feeling neglected and isolated. As the children became teens and young adults it seemed that they found acceptance in diverse groups and made choices that were reckless and dangerous.

Fast forward 25 years....

After making numerous visits to my dad's bedside this week, my mom realizes that one of the children from this family is in the room five doors down from my dad. The son, lying in ICU, suffering from AIDS. Something inside of me felt like we should go in and visit with him. An inner struggle began to take place. Why should I go I asked myself? He won't rememeber us...we could just keep walking by like we have been doing so far. Possibly the embarassment of not reaching out to him in all of our years growing up sunk in. How does one walk into his room and suddenly care about him? God was now prompting me again to face the brokenness in someone. God was leading me to put aside my fear, pride, shame...and just go.

As we walked towards his room I was already rehearsing what we would say. We would be nice and re-introduce ourselves to him and before we left...offer to pray. As we entered his room...he smiled...and said that he remembered us. After a few moments of small talk I asked if we could pray for him. He immediately said yes. My next thought is one that I am very ashamed of. I have heard many talks on AIDS and I am very familiar with how it is contracted and shared. I know that it is not spread through hand to hand contact...but in my selfish mind I thought to myself...do not touch me. You see...I have been stretched by God to "look" upon brokenness...but to touch it...no...not yet not now. Before I could bow my head and close my eyes...I felt a grip on my hand. He grabbed mine without even asking...it seemed to be natural to him...and now...it felt natural to me. I prayed for him and held hands with him. After we prayed we had a very brief conversation about Jesus and he shared with us about his faith in Christ.

I left the room wondering if he often feels lonely because of our ignorance to his disease. I doubt it! It seems that even though he is probably often judged by his past mistakes and choices...he really ministered to us. We walked into his room expecting to do him a favor by our visit and our prayers...but he actually did us a favor. He reached out to us...he showed us that God continues to use us in spite of our brokenness, our ignorance and our pride. He helped to break down a barrier that is often there between AIDS patients and us. We often give to their cause and will even wear a badge or walk in a walk-a-thon...but when do we ever stop and just touch them. Let them know that the only difference between us and them...is possibly a bad decision. We all have brokenness in our lives!

THE GREAT COVER UP PART 2

God continues to do a work within me as He softens my heart for brokenness. He continues to open my eyes a little wider and to not be afraid. Conviction continues in this area as He used a sermon yesterday to remind me of sin. In James it says that if we know what we are to do and yet we don't do it...it is sin. Ouch. In other words...when God nudges us to move, reach out, give, serve and we say no...it is sin.

I want to share with you two stories I have heard regarding this very thing:

STORY 1- A lady is sitting in church and according to the clock there is still about fifteen minutes left. God nudged her to leave at that time. In obedience she leaves and as she enters the foyer she is alone...except...for a woman who is stuggling to open the bathroom door. This woman suffers with MS and walks with the aid of a walker. She then knew why God led her to leave the service...to help this lady. In further obedience, she waits inside the bathroom so she can open the door for the lady as she leaves. How simple was that...listen...leave...open...open again...obedience.

He calls some to leave home for the mission field in far away lands...He calls some to leave their seat and just open a door.

STORY 2 - My friend Sandi was engaged in a conversation with a bagger at a grocery store. Through this conversation she realized he is struggling with selling a home and needs help decluttering and cleaning. God nudged Sandi...she obeyed and offered to help this family clean and declutter. WOW! He calls some to go into the inner city and help drug addicts and others clean up their lives. He calls some to help clean a house.

He calls all of us to something...what is your story? Send it to me and I'll post it on the blog.

THE GREAT COVER-UP PART 1

Conviction can come in a suttle way or a huge slap in the face. Lately I feel like conviction has come to me like a 2x4 to the head.

Here is what I am feeling right now. My name is Joy Trachsel and I have a fear of brokenness. (Hello Joy) Let me explain.

I think of myself as a somewhat compassionate person...but who have I been fooling. Yes...I will listen to your story...shake my head as I am saddened by your words and then offer you a lazy..."I am sorry to hear that...but I'll pray for you." I realize that sometimes brokenness in others scares me. I think it is because I am afraid that one...I can't help you...two...you may want me to help you and I am either too busy...too afraid or not confident in my abilities. Or three...I just don't want to have to take time to get involved in something that may stretch me, sadden me or make me realize the hurts in others. Sometimes it is much easier for me to donate to a cause then to be part of the cause. I truly believe this is why God has me at ACCESS.

I have heard stories from clients that make you want to shout out to God WHY? Sometimes I hear their stories and I want to go to my office...shut the door and escape. No...this can't be my response. I know that I can't save any of them. I know that only He has the power to change their lives...but I know one thing. (remember that 2x4 I mentioned) He has called each of us to be His hands, feet and voice.

What am I trying to say....I..We...need to uncover the brokeness in our world, our city, and yes...ourselves.

Funding is needed for many causes...but I do believe that we can do more. I believe we can put aside our to do lists...and make time for the broken people of our lives.

I am reminded that scripture tells us to go to Judea, Samaria and Jerusaleum. Where is your Judea?

Here is my challenge to myself. Someone has come into my life that I know struggles...this person loves a yellow purse that I carry. We joke about my purse all the time. Problem....I love my purse as well. I feel like I need to do something as small as give her my purse. Why do I struggle with this? Pride...materialism...the list goes on.

Okay...this week...Purse needs to be gone.

I'll let you know how the purse saga goes. In the end...I know that God always wins

Lessons from a Five Year Old

The Bible tell us that the older shall teach the young...but I believe it is also true in the reverse.

I have written and yelled from the mountain tops how much I love my new job at ACCESS. I look forward to going to the shelter each day to truly see what God has in store. He never fails to amaze me at His goodness and His provision.

The other day I was busy completing an unordinary amount of paperwork when a young five year tugged on my leg and said "would you play with me." I had a choice. I could continue in the busyness of my day or stop and play with a child who spends her days in a shelter. I chose the latter and grabbed her little pudgy hand and skipped off to play.

When we entered the playroom I suggested that we do a puzzle. How hard could that be? I mean I could quickly do the puzzle, satisfy her want to play and quickly return to work. I thought I was really smart when I chose a new one assuring that all the pieces would be there and would speed up our play time.

We began the process and soon fifteen minutes had passed and our Barney puzzle was still very much incomplete. I looked at my darling little friend and suggested that we quit and play again later. What happened next left me speechless and in tears. This precious child looked me square in the eye and said "never quit Miss Joy...never quit." A child who at this time in her life is homeless and living in a shelter is telling me not to quit. She is telling a grown woman, who knows where she will be sleeping tonight, knows what she will be eating tonight...to never quit.

We began working again on our puzzle and fifteen minutes later we were finished.

We celebrated our victory with high fives and loud cheers. What a lesson I learned that day from a pre-schooler?

QUICK UPDATES

WOW!!!God has exceeded what I could have ever imagined in such huge ways. I find myself going to this blog and beginning to write...and then stopping. It is almost hard to find words to describe His goodness and faithfulness this year.

Here is a quick update and details will follow soon!

- January 2010 I found myself questioning if I was to continue speaking. God affirmed this calling my sending me to ITALY to speak to some of the strongest women I have ever met. (details tomorrow)

- I was praying for a flexible part time job so I could stop subbing. God blew me away. I am now working from home and coordinating service projects and social events for this company Foresters. I even had a chance to spend 4 days in Toronto training.

- God continued to show me His faithfulness by opening up doors for me to speak here and 4 other places this year.

- Our son asked us if he could go to school here next year...so I prayed for another part time job that would be rewarding, flexible and provide enough money for us to pay tuition. Today...I start working here.

GOD IS SO GOOD!!!! I will post pics soon and details...I now need to shower and pick out my first day of work outfit.


Did I tell you how good GOD is!

REAL VERSUS FAKE

In a few hours I will be boarding a plane for Italy. Still humbled by this opportunity. So thankful for the great phone calls I have received this morning from family and friends wishing me well and praying with me. I am so BLESSED...more than I truly deserve. Thankful for a mother-in-law that came to help take care of the family while I am away. Thankful for a mom that gave me some "souvenir money" for my trip. I know that the love that I have from my family, friends and Lord is REAL...not fake. They all love me in spite of my faults.

I was reminded this week of what something real looks like and what the fake looks like as well. Many of you know how this Italy opportunity came about. If not...read this post. This week I also received another invitation to speak in Europe. This time it was in England. A very professional looking email was sent to me with details of the conference. The honorarium was amazing and everything looked exciting. Something inside me began to be pessimistic. It seemed too good to be true...but I also remember when the Italy invitation seemed too good as well. I convinced myself that I serve a big God and why should I doubt that He could send me to another exciting place. It didn't take long for me to have solid evidence that this was a SCAM. With the help of some friends and a posting by another speaker it was confirmed that this was someone's greedy attempt to make money. At first I was angry...then sad and then it just became a joke. Everything looked genuine and authentic. Oh...what a reminder that was to me.

We can be fooled so easily by things that look good, genuine and authentic but end up being bad, fake and pretentious.

My prayer for my trip is that I experience my great God in an amazing way. That God helps me to be authentic and genuine as I spend time with the women in Italy.

I know one thing that is always real and never fake. God's love for me. I am excited to share with the women how this amazing God pursues us and loves us with an unconditional love.

Please pray for me as I leave and who knows...maybe someday I will speak in England.

"Here I am Lord...send me!" (Isaiah 6:8)

THE DANGERS OF VALENTINE'S DAY

In two days couples will be expressing their love for each other with flowers, candy and other material ways. Yes...it's almost valentine's day. I remember when we would celebrate this holiday in elementary school. We would decorate our boxes and address our scooby do or batman valentines. We would walk around the room despositing our sentiments in each other's boxes. Truth be known...it probably meant more to us girls then the boys. Our hearts melted as we would open a valentine from a boy that we liked. We took what the card said at face value. Our grade school hearts believed that he really did love us and we were his valentine.

Fast forward....

It's three days before Valentine's day at the high school. Roses are sold in order for admirer's to express their "love" to another student. Classes are interrupted as roses are delivered. Hearts flutter as the rose is given to them...someone thinks I am special goes through their mind.

But...what about the other girls?

What about the girls who leave school without a rose? Thoughts enter their mind like "why doesn't someone love me enough to send a rose" "what is wrong with me?" "I must be too fat...too ugly...not good enough for a rose." Insecurities takeover and they begin to convince themselves that the above is true. They begin to seek attention elsewhere...dangerous places and thoughts that are not pleasing to God."

How do we combat this? How do we tell them that they are special. That they were bought with a high price. That they have a Father who loves them with an everlasting love.

A rose...is just a rose! God...is like no other. Cling to Him young ladies...let Him write your love story.

BEING AUTHENTIC!

I am part of an amazing Bible study. I look forward to Wednesday evenings all week. Studying the Bible with women has to be one of my most favorite things to do. Three special girls joined our group this winter and they are like a "breath of fresh air." Let me explain. We have been together for several years and know each other very well. We have all been Christians for many years and have probably forgotten what it feels like to not know the Lord. It is always so exciting to hear the young girls ask such pure and basic questions about Jesus. Then to see their excitement and sometimes emotional response reminds me of meeting "my first love...Jesus."

Last week we found ourselves in a discussion and one of them commented that they were not "church ladies" like us. This was not a slam against us...it was her humble way of saying "you know such much more than we do and your lives are not like mine." My heart began to feel heavy as I realized what she was saying. She saw us "older" women as better than her. She saw us as being "above" her. Afterwards we chatted and made a date for coffee.

That was the best cup of coffee that I had ever had. It wasn't really the coffee...it was the moment. Over coffee (and pie) I shared with them my past. I shared with them mistakes that I had made. I shared with them my struggles as a wife and mother. I hopefully shared my "authentic" self. By the end of the night one of the girls said "looking at you I would have never realized you went through all of that."

How do we be authentic women everyday? It is so easy to pretend that we always have it all together. If you walked in my home right now you might think that it is organized...but you are only seeing the surface. You're not seeing what is crammed in closets, what it shoved under the bed and what is hiding in the basement.

I am a work in progress...and a woman who needs to clean her basement.

YOU CAN'T OUT GIVE, OUT SERVE OR OUR DREAM GOD!

Three weeks from today I will be in Italy! I still can't believe it. I am so excited and a little nervous. I hope Italian airports have English signs? But I have nothing to fear...because I know God's hands are in this.

Several months ago I looked at my speaking calendar for 2010 and it was blank. I couldn't understand why God would give me this desire to speak and not the opportunities. I wasn't just sitting around waiting either. I was making contacts, I was making connections and I was doing anything I could to "expand my territory."

I had really come to a realization that maybe God had something else He wanted me to do. Maybe this was a season of preparation, maybe a season of writing...I did not know.

I cried out to God one day as I drove around. I cried out asking that He make it clear what He wanted from me. I also prayed a selfish prayer..."God...please let me speak again!" God began to ask me why I wanted to speak. Was it for me or Him? ouch! I spent time searching my motives and truly seeking Him. I asked God again..."Please let me speak again!" I will go anywhere God...I will speak for two people...just send me!

December 19th I received an email to speak. December 19th I received a phone call asking me to speak. One was 30 minutes from my home...one was Italy! Italy? Did I read the correct. I asked for something small and close...He gave me Italy. Never in my wildest dreams would I have even thought to ask God to send me to ITALY!

I realized that day three things....God's dreams for me are bigger than mine. I realized that there is nothing I can do to repay the debt that He paid for me. I realized that I will never be able to impact and serve others the way He did.

I am so thankful that I serve a God that I can never out ive, out serve or out dream!

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Cross or the Crowd

I am a work in progress. Theologians call it sanctification...I call it molding, shaping, pruning...and it will continue until I am with Jesus. I feel lately that God has been really asking me to carefully examine how I spend my time. This process has even effected my blogging and facebook time. My time looking and reading hasn't decreased...but my writing has. Everytime I go to post something on facebook, I hear a little voice say is that necessary. My friend Leigh posted something about this and I think she truly "hit the nail on the head." Sometimes when I am with people that I communicate with on facebook, it seems we have nothing new to discuss. It has already been talked about on the internet. I will go to blog and I begin typing, then I find myself deleting what I wrote.

The other day I was at a Christian school and I saw a sign that said "Follow the cross or the crowd." I just stopped and stared. Four big words..."cross or the crowd." When I am tempting to gossip...cross or crowd? When I am not patient or loving...cross or crowd? When I won't stand up for my beliefs...cross or crowd?

When I neglect God for other things...cross or crowd? How about you? What are you following? Cross or crowd?

WHERE IS CAMILLA?

I love the fact that I am beginning to truly recognize God's voice. I love it when He speaks to me. I love it when He makes His desires clear.

Today as Wally and I were driving to church, we were talking about the Haiti situation. The helpless feeling we have of not being able to physically go and help. I know we can give money...but sometimes you just want to be there. To hug a neck, to pray with a parent, to love on an orphan.

My daughter Ashley has truly opened our eyes to the plight of orphans and what the scriptures call us to do. She truly desires to adopt an international orphan someday. I know that in years to come, my grandchildren will be from different countries. They will have different skin colors, but one God.

I suggested to Wally, in jest, that we should look into adopting a child from Haiti. Expecting the look that I normally get when I bring up what could be an outrageous idea...it wasn't there. Hmmm...is God working here?

Then...a name suddenly popped in my head...Camilla. Really...no joke!

I thought...who is Camilla? Is she someone who is suffering in Haiti? Will she be a future compassion child that we sponsor. Is she someone who is looking for a loved one lost in the earthquake? Could she someday be part of our family?

I don't know who she is...all that I know is that her name is engraved on my heart.

Someday...I hope He speaks to me again. Someday...I hope He introduces me to Camilla!

ARE YOU WAITING?

Just wanted to share with you a quote that my daughter shared at a Ladies Event Last week:

"Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what he has promised. Through the wait, he is changing me. By means of the wait he's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait he's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in his redemptive hands."

I HAVE ALREADY RECEIVED THE GREATEST GIFT!

It's Christmas Eve and I have already received the greatest gift that one can ever receive. It wasn't wrapped...it wasn't bought at a store...it wasn't purchased online...it was given to me by someone who loves me more than I will ever know. God gave me the greatest gift tonight...He gave me an opportunity to be His hands...His feet...His voice.

It all started when we attended a beautiful Christmas Eve service. The church was packed and I found myself wondering how many were there because it was Christmas. How many came to please a spouse, a grandma or another loved one. How many only enter the church on special holidays. Then my mind wondered to their hearts. Do they know what they are missing? Do they truly understand who Jesus is and what He did? Then...God spoke to me. It was very specific. God asked me tonight to love on people who need love. Strangers who I do not know and may never see again. He gave me the idea to go and buy four hot chocolates and find people in charleston who need a hot drink, some food and Him.

We went to a gas station and picked up the four hot chocolates and two sandwiches. My mom suggested that we go to one place but I felt like God was saying...no...go to Washington Street. We prayed and found ourselves driving down washington street. We offered hot chocolate to one man and he said no. We drove a little further and offered food and drink to another couple and they also declined. Ashley then suggested that we park the car and walk up to people in hopes that this would be a little less intimidating.

We parked by a hospital and began our journey. The first man we came to on the street was very excited to accept the food and drink. Our attention then turned to a couple that was waiting for a bus. We offered them the sandwiches and drink. They were so excited. Ashley and I began talking to them and asked why they were waiting for a bus this late at night. She explained to us that she had spiked a high fever and was taken to the hospital by ambulance. After being treated and in the ER for several hours, she was released and they were trying to get home. They lived about 15 to 20 miles away and were waiting for a bus that would connect them to another bus and then another. God spoke again and said. Offer them a ride...do not be afraid. So...I asked them if they would trust us to take them home. They accepted and gladly got in the car with us. I was a little worried about my mom as she sat in the car and watched all of this taking place...but she loves like no one loves. She gives like no one else that I know.

We drove with Francis and Richard for about a thirty minute drive. We learned that they were engaged and planned to marry in a few months. We asked them about their faith and both had accepted Christ in their lives. Richard shared with us some concerns He had about some decisions He had made in his life and God's forgiveness. Soon the ride was over and we were able to drop them off near their home. They thanked us for blessing them on this special night...but truly...we were the ones that were blessed.

God is so amazing! I am so glad that he chose me, my mom and Ashley on Christmas Eve to experience this blessing. The pastor talked tonight about the innkeeper and how even though the inn was full...he was able to give what he had.

We were definately able to fill a phyiscal need tonight for Francis and Richard...but God filled a spiritual need in us. He showed us tonight how we can be used if we just listen. He showed me that He is still the God of miracles and will allow us to be on the journey if we make ourselves available. He showed us tonight that they are people in the world who are hurting, who are alone and who need to hear about Him.

I am so humbled that the creator of the universe allowed three women to partner with Him tonight in ministry.

We gave a little...He gave all. Tonight...as I try to come down from this experience...I am so grateful that Lord willing tomorrow we will awake to open gifts under the tree...but I have already received my Christmas gift...Francis and Richard.

Merry Christmas!

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS...

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring...except me who drank too much coffee the night before!

Sitting here in my childhood home this morning in West Virginia. Everyone else is sleeping...except me. I joke that it's the coffee...but I truly feel it is the Lord giving me some needed quiet time with Him.

I was thinking about the statement "Twas the night before Christmas and...." The statement could be finished in different ways by so many different people.

Here are a few that I believe are going through the minds of my family and friends.

Twas the night before Christmas and...

- I am thinking about reconnecting with family
- I will be getting married in a few days
- someone I love is really sick
- almost done with chemo
- the house will soon be filled with loved ones and laughter
-

In reality...it is often "the night before something"

I was reminded of something recently as I watched the adult choir sing at our church last sunday. The narrator shared how Mary knew she had been given a great blessing....to carry Jesus. She knew that she had found favor with God and He had blessed her. Scripture says that Mary and Joseph then had to go to Bethelehem. What? She is pregnant...almost ready to deliver a baby...and she now has to ride on a donkey. Life was interrupted...or inconvenienced. Can you relate?

Yesterday a quick trip to target turned into a three hour trip. I sat in my van for an hour just waiting to pull out of my parking spot. Yep...life was interrupted...inconvenient...and at times humorous. I called my family and told them if I wasn't home by Christmas to go ahead and open presents without me.

Mary endured and a great blessing followed for her and for us. Jesus was born!

Here is how I want to finish this sentence...

"Twas the night before Christmas and....I am blessed"

Life has been interrupted this week by a few inconvenient and trying moments...but Jesus was born.

The Lord has blessed me in so many ways just in the last three days...one was so unexpected that my youngest son assured me that I was being "punked."

No...I wasn't punked...I was blessed.

So...Twas the night before Christmas...and I am going back to sleep.

I SKIPPED NUMBER 76 TODAY!

So I had today off...substitute teachers rarely work the day before a break. I was excited to have a day to myself to finish up Christmas preparations and enjoy a quiet house. Then it dawned on me...Alex had a class Christmas party today. I told myself that I really should try to go and help with the party. But what about my free day? What about all the projects that I wanted to work on...in a quiet house. I told Alex that I would see him at his party later and guess what? He told me I didn't have to come. He actually encouraged me not to come. First I was quietly offended. Did he not want me there? Was he scared that I would embarass him or wear a tacky Christmas sweater? Then I felt a wave of relief come over me. Actually...I felt mom guilt escape my body. I counted this evening that I have probably been to over 75 class parties. Here's the math:

4 parties a year for 7 years equals 28 parties from kindergarten to 6th grade.

28 parties times 4 children equals...112 parties.I estimate that I have attended and brought something to at least 3/4's of the parties...so 75 is a conservative estimate. Today...I skipped number 76! Did I feel guilty...for a moment.

Don't get me wrong...I think that it is very important to be actively involved in your child's class...but out of want...not guilt.

I spent part of my free time in target today surrounded by moms who looked stressed, anxious and at times mad. There wasn't a single mom smiling. Each had a lengthy list and took great enjoyment in checking things off. This actually made me sad until I turned the corner...literally and figuratively. There, in front of me, was a special needs class shopping with their teachers. Guess what? They were smiling, they were having fun, they had the Christmas spirit, they were full of joy.I just sat and watched them. They smiled, they laughed...they enjoyed Christmas.

Today also reminded me that sometimes Christmas isn't always the "happiest time of the year." I know a family who will celebrate Christmas this year without their son. He was only in his 20's and died this year. I know that many families will be celebrating a "leaner" Christmas because of job loss. I know that some families will have an extra seat at the table because of a feud or argument.


We receive cards and Christmas letters in the mail from families that seem to have "it all." We look at their Norman Rockwell family and want what they have.
We may question God and be envious of what seems like a "perfect life."

A friend recently told me about a speaker that spoke at her church and she shared that "pain is pain." Your pain may not seem as monumental as your neighbor's...but pain is pain.

It's hard sometimes to be open and vulnerable with people and let them see that we are experiencing hardships as well. It's especially hard this time of year when we are striving to have the perfect tree, the perfect gift and the perfect Christmas.

Honestly...it's been a hard month for me. Doors have closed that I truly wanted to open. I've been told no much more than I desired. Today...I was angry...I was angry at God. I called out to Him with tears desiring answers and explanations. I wanted to be happy...like the people in the cards and on the commercials. I wasn't...but I don't think God is really concerned right now whether I am happy...He wants me to be faithful and obedient...and right now...that seems impossible.

So what do I do? I don't run to Dairy Queen (yes, I almost did) I run to His word...I run to wise counsel...but I don't run from him.

Today...I am glad that I skipped party number 76...there will be others...at least 4 more.

UPDATE ON MY LIST

for my birthday I posted a list of 45 things that I wanted to do. Here is an update:

1. bake something from scratch
2. grow a new type of flower
3. pay for someone's order at McDonalds - DONE
4. give our turtles away to a science class
5. speak somewhere that requires me to fly
6. read Crazy Love- READING IT NOW
7. tell a restaurant employee how much I appreciated their service - DONE
8. buy a really great pair of high heels at an amazing cheap price
9. run a mile
10. teach my dog a trick
11. fix a really large homemade dinner on a sunday afternoon
12. make a fancy dessert that I can't pronounce
13. watch Casablanca
14. lead someone to Christ - DONE
15. wash wally's car
16. leave a gospel tract with a waiter
17. heal a relationship that is strained in my life at the moment
18. try pilates
19. try to understand football
20. write to a missionary
21. flat iron my hair
22. reach out to a neighbor - DONE
23. download a song to my Ipod by myself
24. build a snowman
25. hike without complaining
26. make a video blog
27. speak without being paid
28. buy and eat a school lunch - DONE
29. enourage my pastors
30. read Dreamgiver again
31. read a John Pyper sermon
32. give bottled water to our sanitation workers
33. experiment with eyeliner - SORT OF
34. play games on a saturday night with my family
35. write a personal Psalm
36. fast for a day
37. try a new perfume
38. use a large amount of coupons on a grocery shopping trip
39. be silent for one day
40. thank the mail carrier
41. watch Gone With The Wind
42. babysit someone's child for free
43. make a homemade card
44. have ice cream for dinner
45. don't pressure myself in doing any of the above...but always add to the list.

HOW ABOUT A PERSONAL RETREAT FOR JUST YOU!

I was thinking today about a book that I read this summer. The author of the book would go on a personal retreat twice a year. On this retreat she would focus on what the Lord was calling her to do. She would spend time in the Word and time talking to God. She would free herself of any distractions by going away to a hotel for a night. She took a personal retreat for herself. Wouldn't this be great? I often find that when I have my house to myself that I am so distracted by laundry, t.v., computer,etc...that there is no way I could discipline myself to leave all that alone and focus on the Lord. I would love to go to a hotel...but with money tight...this is not an option. So...God gave me an idea.

Here it is and I am praying that four women take me up on this offer.

Pick a saturday in 2010 and come to my home. I will have my basement cleaned and prepped for you to have your own personal retreat. I will have various books available for you to read if you would like. Arrive about 9:00 am. Coffee and pastries will be waiting for you in the basement. (it is cozy and warm). Lights will be low and inspirational music will be available. Just bring your Bible. I will have a journal ready for you to journal how the Lord speaks to you. Around noon, I will bring you lunch and pray with you for a short time. After lunch you can continue with your personal retreat or take a nap if you would like. Around 4:00 pm I will join you for prayer and then I will take you to dinner. I want to hear how the Lord spoke to you during this time.

The house will be quiet. This will be your time to escape from the distractions of life and spend time with your Lord.

This is FREE!!!I truly hope you will take me up on this offer.

Wouldn't it be great if four women said yes...and then they did this for four more women.

So...what are you waiting for? Which Saturday will I see you?

IN THE STILLNESS...YOU ARE THERE!

It's the day after Thanksgiving here in Chicago. Yesterday our day was filled with lots of family, lots of food, and lots of fun. We cooked, we laughed, we ate, we watched old family slides and we spent time together. The house was full of people laughing, dogs barking and many people talking. There was noise...and it was good.

Today...it is quiet. Family members have went home, children are still sleeping, dogs are on a walk...it is quiet...and it is good.

I am reminded in these moments that in the stillness...God is there.

Stillness is peaceful...stillness is needed...and today...stillness is temporary. In a few moments...dogs will return...children will awake...but I can still have stillness.

Throughout a busy and loud day, we can still find stillness with God. He never moves, and He never becomes too busy.

Take a little time today and let Him say to you "Be still and know that I am God".

Gotta go...the dogs just returned.